You Are My Favorite Mistake And You Are Killing Me

You are my favorite mistake and you are killing me

You are my favorite mistake. You are what I want and sometimes you are the cause of my insomnia. You are at the same time the worst and best thing that has ever happened to me. You are my vice, a vice that has hurt me so much that it changed me. You are life and death, and the worst part is that I can’t live without you.

Before meeting you I had already heard about you, about your horrors, but I never believed them, for me they were just gossip. And when someone only talks about forbidden things it catches my attention, because they don’t always tell the truth. In this case I decided that before listening to others I had to get to know you.

I pushed hard with my friends that night to introduce me to the biggest mistake of my life. I did not know it yet, but  your attraction was so magnetic, that only at a first impression, I fell into your net with no possibility of escape.

You were the flame guiding the torch of freedom. You were the only way to break free and to distinguish myself, or so I thought. Now I realize how stupid I was to idealize you so much without even knowing you: only for the attraction I felt for a forbidden world.

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I can not live without you

Now I can’t live without you, but at that moment it seemed exciting to be able to get to know you, play with you. I didn’t see the danger of a little contact with something they say is forbidden. For me the word “forbidden” indicates a test. A test that decides if you know yourself better than others and if you are stronger than them.

I remember that evening as a very special moment. When we were introduced, I noticed how the heat rose through my veins and changed the world around me. You entered my guts in such a clear and engaging way that now I can think of nothing but you.

I can’t live without you, without your way of taking my hand to touch the sky. Without your way of doing it that allows me to escape from this world of normal people who do not understand the insane. I can’t live without you, even though I know that every time I touch you you kill me slowly.

I can’t live without you and the terror of knowing you still haunts me. This relationship of love, hate and admiration that I have towards you is annihilating me: the good moments are getting shorter and the negative ones are more perennial every day.

I depend more and more on you. I depend on your dose that puts an end to my suffering, even if you make me suffer. So, I write from this site, from this place of hedgehog needles and cactus thorns, in which the struggle continues between what my heart wants and what reason dictates. A fight in which I am the only loser.

From here I can tell the whole world that you, DEAR HEROINE, are the mistake that will kill me.

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You are the mistake that will kill me

You are the heroin, that drug, you are the mistake that will kill me. It will kill me because the addiction that unites me to you is so strong that I cannot leave you. The chills, the nausea and the tremors that can turn into very strong shocks when I try to get away from you don’t allow me to spend much time without you.

When I spend a lot of time away from you, even hallucinations take hold of me. They are visions that are scary and that transform my world into an inhospitable and dark place full of monsters who want to harm me. When I know clearly that the only monster in my life, the monster that is destroying me, the mistake I regret the most, is you, damn drug.

You are the one who dominates my thoughts and actions, in conclusion, it is you, my favorite mistake, who now dominates my life. You’re the one who made sure my arms were full of stings and my veins were shattered.

It’s you, dear heroine, the one who makes me throw up and who makes me go to the toilet and I can’t help it because you dominate me. I know it’s your fault that I can’t keep a job because I only think about your doses and that’s why I can’t respect a schedule.

The worst part is that I know that for a moment of pleasure I screwed up my life. I know that I chose to make a mistake and try heroin and now I blame the drugs. But I chose this fate when I asked to try it.

However, I also know that if you are reading these words you can still save yourself from introducing drugs into your life. It’s late for me, now I have AIDS for not waiting for a clean needle. I couldn’t wait because my body was asking for a dose and I was tired of being sick.

Don’t be like me, don’t make the same mistake, because even if you think you’re strong, the drug will take over you. Don’t fall, be smart, it’s not worth it. The little pleasure you get is worth nothing compared to an eternal sentence of suffering. Do not think that you will not be like me, I also thought of others and now I’m almost dead.

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