We often talk about children who disappoint their parents. However, when parents disappoint their children, with or without wanting to, a more invisible veil is drawn. Aspects such as lack of respect, support, attention or protection are silent consequences that often accompany us into adulthood in the form of wounds and shortcomings.
We know that neither raising nor raising a child are easy tasks. There are few courses and many challenges; and no prizes are given to the best parents, nor are the worst admonished. Mistakes, like successes, remain etched in the lives of children, in a silent way and in the confidentiality of the family fabric. Later these little ones will grow and mature coming to terms, better or worse, with what they have lived. How and when do parents disappoint their children?
On average, many parents tend to underestimate their influence on their children. As a study that was conducted at Stanford University’s psychology department explains, the impact that certain behaviors, the language used, or even the way a parent treats other people outside of context is often overlooked. familiar.
Raising a child is more than providing them with sustenance. A child also feeds on what he sees, what he feels and what he feels. Nothing is left to chance in breeding and education, everything is elaborated and integrated into one’s being in the form of a sign or a positive push for growth.
When parents disappoint their children
Love is not always enough when it comes to forming a family: you need to know how to love. Sometimes excessive affection results in overprotectiveness that numbs the emotional and personal development of the child. Other times this love that always seeks the best for the boy or girl outlines a growth marked by strict directives, inflexible orders and an authoritarian education.
Parents disappoint their children in many ways, often without being aware of it, for a very simple reason: they have a distorted and uneducated view of affection. The intelligent love of parents towards their children is what promotes and stimulates growth in all senses, in particular the emotional and psychological one: the one that fosters autonomy and gives shape to a safe and happy identity.
Although parents do their best, it is often not enough. And they fail for very different reasons. Let’s see some of them .
Some couples have clearly immature personalities that make them unable to raise children properly . Irresponsibility, inconsistency in educational models and precepts, the lack of habits and pedagogical strategies generate very complex situations, with serious consequences.
Parents with traumatic pasts
Some parents face the growth of their children with the weight of a traumatic past. Sometimes, still plagued by the memory of ill-treatment, adversity or unresolved and still open wounds. All of this usually compromises the quality of a child’s growth. It is clear that not all cases are the same, but extreme behavior often occurs in these situations.
Some parents cannot digest the weight of their own traumatic childhood and project this despair onto their children. Others, however, still obsessed with this shadow of yesterday, tend to be overprotective.
Parents who project themselves onto their children
Failed dreams, unfinished projects, unfulfilled ideals, unconquered goals… This well of frustration finds hope with the arrival of a child. It is then that the parents begin to lay the foundations of their project: to make the boy or girl achieve what the father or mother could not do in his time.
This educational dynamic completely denies the needs of the little ones, constrains all their desires and even their childhood and adolescence. It is another way parents disappoint their children.
Parents who do not know how to respond to the needs of their children
Children come into the world with their own nuances, personalities, particularities and needs. Knowing how to respond to all this in the best possible way is undoubtedly the greatest duty for any parent.
Neglecting these needs or even vetoing them is an attack on the integrity of the little ones. Sometimes rebellious, defiant or defiant behavior on the part of a child hides shortcomings, gaps that have never been filled and gaps that these parents have not been able to effectively fill and resolve.
Disappointments are signs that, in some way, we all carry on our shoulders. Sometimes they weigh and oppress us too much, there is no doubt. However, the mistakes made by parents, in a more or less conscious way, have no reason to hinder or limit the quality of our life .
The power to forgive them or not is in our hands, but knowing how to leave aside the weight of yesterday to live the present in the best possible way is undoubtedly a primordial obligation. Another thing (and no less important) is to avoid that these mistakes made by parents compromise the education of our children. It is up to us to draw a lesson from the past that we need to build the best possible future .