There are loves destined not to be, to have a beginning and an end. They are like summer storms full of intense emotions, of refreshing rain that gives relief from the intense heat, an unsatisfied thirst … However, when the clouds go away away from the humidity of a field where nature can flourish again, a barren land fractured by cracks opens. A land where nothing will grow for a long time.
There are loves that pass like a light wind, others close with a peaceful and pleasant distance, by mutual agreement, but there are others that leave painful gaps that hurt us inside and that change us.
Today we talk about the latter, we analyze the ” side effects ” that can leave some of the emotional relationships as consequences, and that deserve to be taken into consideration for reflection.
1. Is it true that we learn from every emotional failure?
We have read and listened to it very often. There is no better teacher of pain, there is no better learning of pain in some moments of life in order to then advance with greater confidence, knowing what life is, understanding people a little better.
In fact, we agree, although there is one aspect that needs to be pointed out: not all people acquire “positive learning”, not everyone is able to understand it in this way. After a breakup, after the disillusionment, it takes time to be able to return to look up at the world with confidence, it is necessary to go through a “mourning”, an inner process in which to “rebuild from within”.
What happens in many cases? Far from coming out stronger, we come out with hangovers. When someone hurts us we learn to arm ourselves with armor, when we lie to us, we learn to be wary, when we stop our wings for personal growth, we avoid opening ourselves to other people.
So, do we draw a lesson from that love that was not? Of course we do, but it is not always positive, so we need to take a lot of consideration into the way in which we return to “readjust” our reality.
2. The loss of innocence
Losing innocence is losing part of that sincere and free from prejudice illusion towards others, towards new relationships to which we can open ourselves with fullness and emotion. After an emotional failure and the loss of that love in which we concentrated so many hopes, a part of us is irremediably aging .
And few things can be more daunting than allowing our inner part to age, thus letting splinters appear in our hearts, those cracks and that infertile earth where nothing grows. There where a great bitterness will wander now, where it will be very difficult for us to return to receive love with the illusion of before.
3. Eternal voids
The loves that have never been are formless voids inhabited by lost illusions and disappointments. From time lost but constantly remembered and evoked. You can recover yourself, even start new relationships and life projects.
Happiness always comes back with wonderful second times that we all deserve to have, but there will be something that will hide every day of our life in a corner of our heart and our memory : it is the voids. They are like those paths that once chosen, believing that innumerable projects of which one had dreamed would develop from there, but then one must abandon because there is no other remedy than to change direction in a way that is as drastic as it is painful.
And in our brain there will always be that impossible path that is part of us and of who we are. It is like a parallel life, the real one and the memories that we cannot erase, but which are basically part of who we are.
The voids will always remain there, and as such we must accept them. They are those wounds that do not heal but with which we must learn to live with, integrating them, accepting them, but avoiding them from becoming “black holes”.