The Smile Of Those Who Are No Longer There Will Be Our Best Memory

The smile of those who are no longer there will be our best memory

The secret to keeping vivid the memory of those who are no longer there is to evoke their smile. This will allow us to generate positive feelings which, although punctuated by sadness and melancholy, will help us not to suffocate his memory.

In any case, there are stages of pain that are completely necessary in order to manage the thoughts, feelings, behaviors and emotions related to the loss of the people we love and who have been important to us.

For this reason, it is good to take into consideration the impossibility of getting used to the death of loved ones. Each loss will put us to the test, forcing us to use our personal resources to be able to cope with the situation.

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The pain, the farewell to those who are no longer there

Taking leave of those who are no longer there is a process that

it never ends with goodbye

. This is not an easy concept to understand, as we often face a loss with the conviction that we must stop thinking, feeling or behaving as we would if that person were still alive. In reality, lack must be addressed as if it were a continuous process based on five phases.

The denial

According to psychiatrist Elisabeth Klüber-Ross, researcher in the field of psychic suffering, the first phase of pain consists in the denial of reality, as well as in the attempt to convince oneself that ” we are fine ” or that ” the death of person X is a mistake ” . When someone is lost, this phase is considered as normal as it is transient, as it indicates the need to mitigate the force of the impact.

In other words, we feel the need to give our mind a respite so that it can metabolize an extremely painful reality; it is a defense mechanism aimed at generating a fundamental emotional distance to create, in a serene way, a mental scheme that allows us to accept the episode.

Lira

For everyone there comes a time, variable over time, when reality appears for what it is: we have lost a loved one. Such an event often leads us to feel the need to “take revenge” for his loss, to the point of experiencing the sensation of having a knife stuck in the chest that prevents us from breathing. ” It’s not fair “, ” Why her / him (and not me) ?”, ” Why now ?” are some of the phrases that arise spontaneously when one is angry with life, with God (for believers) or with the whole world.

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Negotiation

Another typical moment is when one confronts the idea – conscious or not – of ” trying to do something to regain a life worth living in its absence “. It is even possible to think of reuniting with loved ones or some other way of postponing death. At this stage we will try to negotiate with God or whatever “higher power” conception we have, in order to ask for more time and the opportunity to say the last I love you  ever uttered.

The Depression

Finally, there comes a time when death is understood by experiencing the feeling of being trapped or slowed down, as well as tremendously sad. This is the stage in which we cry in a desperate way, unable to take the reins of our life.

Acceptance

Probably, with the passage of time, we end up understanding the inevitability of death, learning that the best way to remember those who are no longer there and loved so much is by evoking their smile.

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Carry the smile of someone who is no longer there in your heart

A loss cannot be faced in terms of overcoming or not overcoming it, since this would mean giving up the reality that accompanies the absent person, resigning oneself to the idea of ​​having to forget it . To be able to ” accept death as a part of life “, it is necessary to force oneself to have feelings, without trying to recover from events quickly and forcibly.

Taking time,  making sense of the loss and ritualizing it so that it acquires meaning is essential to be able to return to life. To face any loss of life, it will therefore be good to honor the memories and assimilate them in a personal way.

Sooner or later the time will come when we can naturally remember the smile of someone who is no longer there, without his memory clouding our mind, but allowing us to understand that although a person is no longer with us physically, he will remain forever. in our heart.

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