The lives of all of us have been marked by many difficult times. Moments in which we have felt bitter or that have brought a disappointment that we did not expect. Moments related to particular circumstances, but also to important people; moments that, overnight, completely upset a relationship. And they did it without giving us the time to evaluate the how and why, even when it took all the effort in the world to resolve the situation.
In the lives of all of us there have been people who have used our moment of crisis to put a dagger in our back. And then it fell to us to pay the consequences, especially when we were blind to the evidence and tried to minimize reality. So, that person took advantage of it to destroy everything. And again, it was up to us to live with anger and frustration when we realized that, to protect others, we were the only ones who were hurt.
It is perfectly normal to feel this way. Being able to live with these painful sensations and at the same time wondering if they will ever go away completely. Then, suddenly, a day like any other, without you even noticing it, the moment will come when you will think: “Thank goodness it went like this, some people better lose them than find them!” .
Stop and enjoy that moment, because it is the best thing that can happen to you: say goodbye to anger, let indifference in and welcome good humor. That smile of relief when you realize the luck you have had is one of the best guarantees for your psychological well-being. But to really savor it, you need to have first acted cleanly and generously, been hurt, and probably held a grudge for a while.
After going through this painful but necessary path, you will be able to enjoy the prize of the lottery you have played… And that, as in any game, you can win, but also lose. And that smile, alone or in company, is the lottery prize.
The disappointments of life, the detoxifiers of the future
Dealing with disappointment or betrayal isn’t always easy. Neither is being trapped in a vicious circle that always leads to the same arguments. Prolonging a situation of discomfort out of habit or out of pity means entering an endless labyrinth. There is no person who is toxic per se, this is a false belief. However, there are relationships that are, or have become. Identifying and closing them is not an easy task, especially if you want to do it as a mature person.
Wanting to be fair people in life says a lot about us. Ending a marriage after forty years, cutting ties with a childhood friend or resigning from a job that we no longer see as an opportunity, but as a punishment, are difficult and delicate choices to make.
However, there are people who do not bother to do it with due care; people who take a shortcut, betraying us in a vile, brutal and cowardly way. But you must never feel ridiculous for wanting to do things right, for not wanting to play dirty. You will feel angry, but let that anger take its course.
All these disappointments will become a detoxifier for the future. At the next hint of wear and tear, you won’t be walking around it anymore. You will no longer fall into the temptation to drag on a bad relationship. And you will do it using the best possible weapon: absolute indifference.
After the anger, the indifference, and finally the smile
What happens to those who hurt you is none of your business, because sadly even the worst traitors can have luck in life. Think about yourself, where you are and where you want to go, and try not to lose sight of your goal and not to fall into the temptation into which others have fallen. This, and no other, is the best point of reference so that, despite the disappointments, you do not abandon your sensitivity in the necessary farewells.
It will certainly be a complicated process, because it is not easy to get away from certain people and habits in life. You will feel like you have lost your identity, and each blow will feel like a bottomless pit. You won’t know if you are changing for good or bad until one day you start to remember differently what once devastated you emotionally.
No, you will feel more alien than yourself. You will look at your hands, feel the weight of your legs and become aware of your presence. Without having asked for help, and without having received it from anyone, you are standing on your legs.
You don’t need the approval of others. You don’t mind being a loser in their eyes. You know you have won a battle that you could only fight within us. At that point you will start laughing, alone or accompanied. Beyond anger, you will feel the pride of someone who has acted consistently with who they are.
The smile is sincere when it makes us feel at peace with ourselves despite the difficult circumstances and there is the danger that others will betray us. And even if it did, that smile is there to remind us that it doesn’t matter if someone has disappointed us one day: the important thing is that we have not disappointed ourselves.
Now you know how things are going, and this will serve you. He who laughs last laughs well, because he laughs at no one. He watches from a distance the people who have harmed him going deeper and deeper, until they are almost without oxygen, in the darkness that they themselves have shaped.