There is a false myth that says that opposites attract, or in other words that couples made up of two different members are the ones that work best, the ones that complement each other, the ones that love each other the most. Because you compensate for what I lack and vice versa.
It is true that what we consider novel or “different” can be very attractive to us at first, as human beings tend to be extremely curious. But from there to say that a love relationship between two very different people is destined to work, is another thing. Of course, nothing prevents this from happening.
If you think about it, when we choose our friends, we almost always tend to surround ourselves with people who share, more or less, our same interests and goals, we choose people with tastes and passions similar to ours, fostering a bond that can last over time .
Relationships do not differ much from friendship. Personally, I believe that within the couple, people must be good friends as well as lovers. First of all because in this way you will be able to enjoy the company of the other much more, going to greatly enrich the relationship; secondly, because once the limits of passion have worn off, friendship will be the strength that will revive the relationship and make it last a long time.
When the initial period of passion and madness of love ends, two people who are not alike in anything will end up getting bored of each other, sinking into an unbearable monotony.
It is also true that having at your side a person who is partly different from us can bring us a lot and teach different things; but there will come a time when debates and discussions will only escalate, and over time the relationship will inevitably die out due to the huge number of differences that emerge between the two.
It is especially when these differences are linked to values, interests and vital goals, that the relationship is doomed to fail, unless one of the two members loves himself so little that he is willing to transform himself into a surrogate for the other, changing his own. values, their own tastes and preferences, becoming totally dependent on the other person. And unfortunately this phenomenon is more common than one thinks.
People with low self-esteem tend to be attracted to those who have nothing to do with them, guided by the false hope that the other can complete them; in reality, each of us is a complete human being in all respects, without the need for anyone’s contribution.
What problems can arise between such different people?
- Problems with empathy. It is much easier to empathize with people like us than with different people. Putting yourself in the shoes of someone you absolutely don’t get along with is complicated and often frustrating. The ability to understand the other is a pillar within any relationship, and the complications that will arise from the inability to understand each other will be too many.
- Problems of coexistence. If one is organized and methodical and the other chaotic and messy, problems will eventually arise. At first it might make you smile and be taken lightly, but in the long run, coexistence will become unstable. The same will happen to couples with different interests. This is not to say that it is not of extreme importance that each member has their own space and do things outside the relationship. It is a healthy and positive aspect for the couple, but as always, it is good to know how to set limits.
- Boredom. As is natural, two people who do not look alike will end up getting bored of each other, as they will have a hard time sharing tastes, passions, music, books, films… And being together will not be so much fun. There will come a time when there will be no more topics for conversation, there will be nothing to talk about.
- Individuality. Appearance very similar to that of boredom, indeed its consequence. The relationship will end up becoming so boring and uninteresting, that everyone will try to set out on an individual path or to get closer to other people more similar to him, with whom he can share all those things that satisfy and make him happy.
- Children’s education. How can we think of educating our children in a healthy way if the parents have different values and education? The educational process will be a failure. It will only give rise to many discussions, each member will try to convince the other on the best way to do things and end up confusing the same children.
It is therefore possible that two different people feel attracted to each other, at first when the novelty acts as an aphrodisiac. Studies show, however, that in the long run, the unions between opposite poles end up breaking down due to the increase in the number of problems compared to the benefits.
Image courtesy of Anita Mejía