When you continue to resent a person, you will always remain attached to that person or situation by an emotional bond stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to release that bond and gain freedom.
I am writing you this letter, even if you will never read it. You hurt me a lot. In nature there is no justice and I continue to suffer. However, today I realized that somehow I have to let go of this burden that I carry inside and that is what I will do.
I don’t want to hold a grudge, because he’s not a good friend, that’s why I don’t want him with me. Resentment causes fear, and it is precisely fear that I need to get rid of. It doesn’t mean I’m afraid of you, I’m just afraid of reliving my suffering and falling back into the same mistake.
For this reason, I have decided that I must face you, be face to face with you and with all that you mean; whether you are on my mind or not, I have to stand up for myself. If I fight this fear, I will finally be able to fight all the others as well.
I loved you and trusted you, you know? I really didn’t want anything out of the ordinary, and if I had known, I wouldn’t have let you hurt me. I will never forget this unbearable pain, nor everything you taught me. After all, I can thank you for something.
I’ve learned that we can’t give someone something they don’t want. You have allowed yourself the luxury of making me understand it very clearly; and you also made me realize that it is very important to know when something in your life is going wrong and consuming you.
Well yes, I realized that you have been harmful to me, so much so that it has prevented me from going on for a long time.
As someone once said, true hatred is disinterest and perfect murder is forgetfulness. I don’t want to throw a stone high, because I know it will then fall on my head. It wouldn’t make me happy, it would just add misery to my meaningless life.
They say that bleeding does not hurt, that it is pleasant, like dissolving in the air or breathing deeply. The same is true with soul pain, it somehow anesthetizes you and makes you unable to understand what is happening to you, until it is too late.
Maybe as I write these words tears of blood and pure pain are flowing down my face, but I am taking back the command over myself and I am turning the helm, because the time has come to move on and overcome what you have done to me.
I want to tell you that I am writing this letter because behind these courageous words there is an enormous sadness, an infinite humiliation and a slight delusion. I feel that I am walking on a volcano while my life hangs by a thread. I’m walking with the weight of what you did to my soul.
I need little to feel good and for this I have to get rid of all this pain. All painful experiences leave a seed within us that will grow and make us feel free.
The truth is that today I asked myself if I could do something important, and so I decided to write this letter. This letter is not for you, but for me, so that I can get rid of you. I stopped to think that I don’t want anything negative in my life and realized that you were part of the negative, like the way you make me feel.
I have come to the conclusion that reflecting on you is the greatest act of self-love I can do towards myself. Today I can finally say that you have done me a favor, because now more than ever I love myself and I know that I don’t want to turn my body into the grave of my soul. I know I can deal with everything inside. Don’t be afraid to live, you just have to learn how to do it again.
Image courtesy of Marc Little and Larissa Kulik