If you disrespect yourself, set limits and protect yourself from aggression (direct or indirect). We did not come into the world to endure the attacks of others, however veiled they may be, and much less did we do anything to deserve them. We cannot control everyone’s behavior, but we can learn to set limits and consequences if they are overstepped.
We have come to normalize disrespect as something inherent in power relations. As if it were a tolerable aspect in relationships between people “of different hierarchical levels”. We apologize and apologize to others. “Do not expect them to treat you well just because you are new” and many such phrases.
The line that separates tolerance and intolerance is very confused, as if it had been drawn in pencil and we had gone over it with our finger, blurring it. On the other hand, each of us has the ability and the obligation to set limits. What is certain is that many times we do not know if the limits of respect have been exceeded or not in a relationship.
Limits protect us from disrespect
It is essential to clarify what we are willing to tolerate and what not in a relationship, whether it is between friends, acquaintances, work colleagues or in the family. We make an effort and try to listen to our body’s signals when someone crosses the border.
When we are disrespected, our very wise body always warns us. Listening to it and becoming aware of it is our new task.
In human relationships, no one is superior to others. We are all different and have different roles, but no one is “humanly superior”. Therefore, if we allow someone to hurt us or hurt us, we should not think that superiority is a valid reason.
Otherwise, all people “superior” to us would have the right to hurt and harm us. If no one is superior to others, then perhaps we should ask ourselves how much power we are giving to that person or people who hurt us. A power that has no reason to exist.
We end up giving people the power to hurt us and make us feel bad. Like? We accept disrespect from them as a normal thing and we grant it to them. “I’ll let you into my castle and you can do whatever you want with it.”
If we don’t set limits, we give the other permission to hurt us
There are many ways in which we allow others to “step on us”, we send signals inviting them to do so. Let’s take an example: Someone makes us feel uncomfortable with an unpleasant comment about us. Instead of letting them know, we shut up and put the grudge in a corner of our memory. We turn that person’s disrespect into poison.
Furthermore, by accepting this behavior, we send a clear message to the other: in the future it is likely that we will allow the same thing. Somehow, it is as if we indirectly told him “you can disrespect me if you wish, I grant you”.
Many times we smile or “spread a merciful veil” to avoid being honest and consistent with our limits and letting the other see them. Nothing happens if we do, in fact it is often a question of survival.
Another case where we keep quiet is because we feel guilty about being assertive. We know so little about this field that often our message of censorship towards the observed attitude is unclear. Nothing happens, the important thing is to practice.
Let us not deceive ourselves, we do not deserve others to disrespect us
While at times enduring disrespect is a matter of survival, it doesn’t mean that it always is. If someone disrespects us frequently, then we should ask ourselves if we are accepting it in order to survive or why we are unable to set boundaries and do not value ourselves enough.
We do not deserve others to disrespect us, moreover for no reason. So, dear readers, ask yourself if it is really worth bearing the pain and with a smile to change the subject or if, instead, it is better to point out that they have crossed the line. You can do a lot to restore your boundaries and point out when they are violated.
Undoubtedly it is a great challenge and requires some effort, especially when you are not used to asserting yourself. However, it must be done. We need to respect ourselves rather than allowing others to disrespect us just because we want their approval.
Once again it is a question of self-love. A challenge to find happiness in a society of false appearances. So, since life does not wait and above all it is YOUR life, choose to respect yourself when others do not!