When someone we love dies, a paradox is established in our life: the person dies, physically, but not the love we feel for them. Somehow we feel filled with a feeling that seems to have no peace. Next, we learn how to manage bereavement. However, in this process it is also important and necessary to express affection for those who are no longer there.
We all know that grief is a personal process, but we also know that there is a social one. It’s about the funeral, grief, courtesy visits, and so on. This phase is in fact extremely short. It is assumed that in a few days we will be ready to return to our “normal” life, that our task is to do everything to forget, that we will be able to put aside the experience we have lived. Prolonged or very intense pain makes others uncomfortable.
Perhaps on certain occasions we manage to adapt to what society expects of us and return to our daily lives, even more confident. We may want to cry in front of a beautiful sunset, but we contain ourselves. It may also be that something inside of us continues to refuse to say goodbye and that it begins to be difficult to live with ourselves and with others. Then, it is possible that in both cases you need to express affection to those who are no longer there.
Pay homage to those who are no longer there
Figuratively speaking, none of the people we have loved really die , because they continue to live in us. There is always something of her, even if we don’t notice it . There is a part of each of us in which his presence continues to live, although absence is the only thing we perceive. Not even affection dies; it discolors or reinvents itself, but it stays there.
To this concept we owe the tradition – proper to all cultures – of paying homage to those who are no longer there. In the West, we go to visit the tomb, bring flowers or pray. This custom is being lost, and cemeteries are not places people want to go. Today we are orphaned of ways to express affection to those who are no longer there.
Express affection to those who are no longer there
Focusing on the pain of loss is just as bad as looking away and pretending it’s all over. The people we lose – especially those we loved deeply or who played a decisive role in our life – remain there, by our side.
They come back to be felt in moments of solitude, in the griefs that follow one another. They continue to live and then manifest themselves in the form of a passing anguish, a sadness that does not want to go away, or a feeling of despair that turns into dizziness, migraine, confusion. For this reason all the ancient cultures paid homage to those who were no longer there, because they knew that it was very important to express our love to them.
Although it is said that human beings are fundamentally present – and although this is true to some extent – it would be more correct to say that we are, above all, past. We are a story that continues to be told, day after day. Hence the importance of not losing sight of the fact that everything flows.
How to express affection to those who are no longer there?
One of the most beautiful traditions in the world is that of the “Dìa de los muertos” (that is, the day dedicated to the commemoration of the dead) which takes place in Mexico. It is a ceremony halfway between the religious ritual and the carnival. Every November 1st, homage is paid to loved ones who are no longer with us. Photographs are exhibited that portray them to make them again protagonists of the world of the living.
Mexicans write letters to the dead, improvise altars, pray; they go to the cemetery and serenade them, sing for them, invoke their deceased loved ones. Simply put, they breathe new life into these ghosts. They shape them and talk to them. They pay homage to them. They believe that oblivion is impossible and that they will hug loved ones again.
It would be healthy for each of us to have our own rituals to remember who is no longer there; to express affection for them. To rediscover the memory, the imprint they left. Recognize the emotional bond that not even death can break. Accept, then, that you have to go on with your life, without forgetting the losses suffered and in spite of them. We must understand that the only possible destiny is neither in nothingness nor in oblivion.