Discovering “blind Spots ” In Love

Sometimes we do, we throw ourselves into the void with closed eyes and open hearts, eager to love and be loved. Sometimes things go well, sometimes they don’t. This happens because we are victims of those blind spots that lead us to strongly grab dangerous relationships, impossible loves; places where self-deception weaves a web of which we remain prisoners.

To understand what these blind spots are, let’s start by doing a little experiment.  We close our eyes for a few seconds and then reopen them to turn towards a window, letting the sunlight illuminate our face for a few seconds.

Well, then we will move our gaze to any point. We do not notice it, but in our retina there are photoreceptors, tiny nerve cells that pick up light and send information to the brain in an almost imperceptible period of time.

However, in the retina there is a small area in which there are no photoreceptors: the so-called blind spots. Since the eye does not pick up any stimuli, we see this reality as small white spaces coming from these blind spots. However, no detail escapes our sight, it is perfect, wonderful in providing us with any nuance of every face, of every landscape …

How is this possible then? If there is an empty spot, a blind area in our retina, how can we see the world so clearly?  The answer is simple and disturbing at the same time: the brain has the task of “filling” the gaps. Strange as it may seem, the same happens in psychology. There are realities around us that we do not perceive. They are white points, generally negative facts that blur the horizon of our conscious world.

It is once again the brain that takes control by selecting, through a filter, the information that surrounds us. Thanks to this, negative perceptions are attenuated  by placing a wall in front of attention and thus reducing the impact of disillusionment. This refined art of self-deception is particularly common in the universe of emotional relationships. We’ll talk about it below …

Blind spots or the refusal to accept things as they are

“My partner doesn’t manipulate me and he’s not jealous, he just cares about me, he loves me a lot.”  “We didn’t break up, it’s just that he is now going through a period of intense stress due to work and he needs a break, he has too many things on his mind and I understand it … but it’s not a crisis, we continue to love each other like the first. day”.

It seems easy for most of us to understand what lies behind these exhausting realities, which cloud our sight and hearing. However, those who live immersed in their blind spots do not notice them, do not feel them and do not even want to see them.          

They are his lifesavers, his analgesics, the wooden raft on which to continue to float compared to a reality that often makes him sink. Because the trick of self-deception is the most sophisticated strategy available to the human being and  thanks to which we smother the smoke of stress and slip into the unconsciousness of worry and the responsibility to act with respect to an obvious problem.

This mental mist that generates blind spots always sets in motion the same complex psychological strategies.  They range from classic denial to rationalization or selective attention, in which we focus only on what interests us, ignoring everything else.

Machado said that there is something far worse than seeing reality in black, and that is not seeing it.  Strategy that is often implemented in terms of affections and labyrinths of love, in which it will always be better to “not see” rather than “lose” the person you love.

How to illuminate our blind spots

Robert Trivers is a very famous sociobiologist for his studies on self-deception. According to him, this refined strategy, so practiced by human beings, is much more sophisticated than just lying. In this sense, the act of lying to ourselves requires a deeper, more delicate architecture.

When we link the evidence to the unconscious and the lie to the conscious, the cognitive price to pay is immense. The effort to make everything credible makes blind spots authentic shackles to which one can cling and remain victims of oneself.

It is difficult to illuminate these mental angles after practicing them for a long time with your partner. When we try to open the eyes of those in love, we often come up against their rejection and denial.

To prevent ourselves from falling into similar mental strategies when our self-esteem, values ​​and integrity are vulnerable, we must try to control the most common blind spots in a relationship. Here are some examples:   

  • We must not fall into the most common mistake made by every couple: idealization.
  • We have to see people for what they are, without anesthesia, without sweeteners. We must not underestimate what we do not like nor exaggerate the aspects that, instead, we like to compensate for what is unpleasant, which is out of tune, which hurts us.
  • We do not distort reality by shunning ideas that do not correspond to what surrounds us, to what we see and hear.
  • We will remember every day that love has conditions, that we must not leave the disappointment we feel today for tomorrow.

To conclude, we must remember that the use of blind spots occurs very often in relationships based on addiction. In this interpersonal sphere we tend more to distort reality, in order to preserve coexistence, with the idea of ​​maintaining that impossible balance without perceiving the emotional and psychosocial effects that it implies.

As Albert Camus once said, “Truth, like light, blinds. The lie is a twilight that highlights all objects… ”. We avoid living in that twilight that only causes agony and are brave enough to open our eyes to the truth.        

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