While some believe that “arguments are the death of conversations”, like Emil Ludwig, others think that not only are they inevitable, but they can also be positive. It is true? Let’s try to understand this in this article.
According to professionals in Marriage and Family Sciences, arguing is good, while arguing is destructive. That is to say that during an argument we should not break some rules if we do not want the communication to become destructive. And, to do that, there are some really useful phrases to use.
Affirmations to stop a discussion in the bud
Below we want to offer you a series of expressions that can help you stop a discussion in the bud, before it becomes a quarrel. However, as you well understand, these are not magic formulas.
Don’t forget that if the conversation heats up, you must try to take a position of humility and generosity, and don’t forget empathy. They are indispensable tools if you want to really improve your life, your coexistence and your discussions. Otherwise, an initially quiet conversation could turn into hell.
You’re right about this …
This sentence expresses the individual’s ability to recognize points in common with the other person. During a discussion, when the conflict is generated, we must not strengthen the distancing, but the agreement.
However, we encourage you to use this phrase only when you really agree with what the other has said. Do not grope around hoping that things will go well, because then this sentence will not have an effect. Make sure you believe in the arguments you use and humbly accept your mistakes to find real meeting points.
I feel (so) when you tell me this …
Most discussions take place with loved ones. For this reason and for the importance that such people have for us, these moments of lack of understanding generate anxiety and mixed feelings. Why not express them sincerely?
During a discussion, it is important to share with each other how we feel. If something hurts us or what you say hurts us, it is good for the other to know, so that the conversation is positive and to prevent the situation from getting out of hand.
This behavior during an argument makes us responsible and aware of our emotional state. However, one must be careful not to blame the other. You can express your discomfort without turning away.
I’m sorry I hurt you. Tell me how you feel so that I can understand you …
Another phrase that can be useful during a discussion. Sometimes the position taken by our interlocutor may seem absurd, but if you fall into the error of ridicule, for example, you will do more harm than good .
On the other hand, if you try to be empathetic and rationalize the feelings of the person you are arguing with, you may be able to see things differently. You will then be able to analyze the situation more thoroughly and understand perfectly what is happening, why the malaise is generated and how to find common solutions.
Why don’t we come to meet us?
Another useful expression when discussing. Sometimes, it is better to prioritize commonalities and leave differences aside. In this way, your interlocutor will see in you an honest person who really tries to understand, and not one who tries to argue.
In this case we show ourselves positive and do not try to highlight the points that separate us from the interlocutor. In fact, this expression is very useful for transforming a verbal quarrel into cooperation.
I have made mistakes and I am aware of them
There is no perfect person. So, as imperfect beings as we are, we make mistakes. Without a doubt, an argument is the ideal time to acknowledge them, especially if we have some of the blame for generating this situation.
Therefore, it is always better to resort to honesty and humility: the other will be grateful to us. We know that it is not easy to recognize one’s mistakes, especially when we warm up. The effort, however, will be necessary.
Do you constantly argue with your partner or family? Don’t you like to argue or do you think situations could be resolved differently? Try to use these phrases, but do it sincerely, with the heart. Surely with time and practice your situation will improve.